NPD

I stumbled across an article on Narcisstic Personality Disorder and it answers so many questions for me.  My father definitely has it and so does Scott.  I was attracted to him because of unresolved issues with my father.  Winning Scott's heart validated me because I never felt good enough or special enough as an adult woman.  Now Scott has gotten worse and I am painfully aware of his lack of empathy, his sense of entitlement, and his constant need for attention.  I get out because I have an unhealthy obsession with making this man who can never truly love me, love me.  I was so obsessed that I was willing to question all my strongest values: being open, honesty, homeschooling, etc.  Scott feels constantly hurt by me because my openness tarnishes his image to others and being envied by others is essential to a person with NPD's self esteem.  That's why he was so drawn to Julie.  She encouraged privacy and would protect his image.  He lost interest in Julie as soon as she stopped feeding his self esteem and she knew the truth about his flaws.  He went after Jen because she fed his ego.  Now Jen knows the truth and once again, I tarnished his image.  He will always be hurt by my personality and his personality disorder will only lead to more misery for me because I will never have his love and respect.

 I know now that leaving is the best option for me.  I need time to save money though and get the kids used to the idea.  I hate to lose my home and break up my family, but staying with him will lead to a life of being hurt over and over.  I am trying to distance myself  emotionally, but with his high needs for attention, he tries to get it from me.  If I ignore his positive advances, he will resort to being cruel.  I don't know how long I can last.  It still hurts.

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/howto.html

"If you're reading this because of problems with someone you know now, the chances are excellent that one or both of your parents was a narcissist. Narcissists are so much trouble that only people with special prior training (i.e., who were raised by narcissists) get seriously involved with them..."You can't get blood out of a stone," but children of narcissists keep trying, as if by bonding with new narcissists we could somehow cure our narcissistic parents by finding the key to their heart. Thus, we've been trained to keep loving people who can't love us back, and we will often tolerate or actively work to maintain connections with narcissistic individuals whom others, lacking our special training, find alienating and repellent from first contact, setting ourselves up to be hurt yet again in the same old way."

" In their world, love is a weakness and saying "I love you" is asking to be hurt, so be careful: they'll hurt you out of a sort of sacred duty. They can't or won't trust, so they will test your total devotion. If you won't submit to their tyranny, then you will be discarded as "no good," "a waste of time," "you don't really love me or you'd do whatever I ask," "I give up on you."

http://www.bandbacktogether.com/adult-children-of-Narcissistic-parents-resources/

"Children of Narcissistic Parents must adhere to the agenda of the the Narcissistic Parent for their lives to be stable. Asserting their feelings, their rights, or their thoughts can lead to much bigger problems. These children of Narcissistic Parents learn that their feelings are invalid, unimportant, and inconsequential. They often stifle all feelings to keep the peace in the house."

"If there are several children in a Narcissistic Household, the dynamic may be one of the Golden Child versus the Scapegoat, which can cause major friction and rightful jealousy between the children."

"Narcissistic Parents must be in control. No matter what. A Narcissistic Parent controls his or her children by dictating how these children should feel, should act, and the decisions to be made. This can lead to adult children of Narcissistic Parents being unsure of what they, themselves, like and want out of life."

"Guilt-Driven Control: "I've given my life for you. I've sacrificed it all." This method of control creates a feeling of obligation in children; that they "owe" their Narcissistic Parents and must behave in a certain way to make their parents happy."

Narcissistic Parents have many subtle - and some not-so-subtle- ways in which they abuse their children. These types of abuse include the following:

• Compulsively lying to children
• Ignores and/or overwhelms the children
• Neglects needs of the child
• Makes child feel as though he/she does not matter
• Puts parental needs far above those of the children
• Mold children to an "ideal" image
• Promotes and fosters a dependent relationship between parent and child
• Distorts the concept of "love"
• Manipulation for pleasure
• Says one thing one day, something else the next
• Untrustworthy
• Uses the child's vulnerabilities to exploit the child
• Subtly and not-subtly insults children
• Ignores personal boundaries 
• Treats others as objects, not people
• Makes child feel as though he or she is insane 

"What Happens To The Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents?
1) The child grows to have narcissistic traits, and becomes a Narcissistic Parent to his/her own children. This perpetuates the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse. -Note: this is my sister, Shanna.
2) The child becomes a "covert" or "inverted" narcissist who remains codependent and may actually seek out abusive relationships with other narcissists."- Note: this is me.