Feeling Discouraged

I am feeling so discouraged right now.  Last night, Scott was planning to go out.  He told me I could go, but then tried to get me not to go because Dave didn't want me to.  Apparently, I ruined his night on Saturday.  That guy is such an asshole!  I was having the worst night of my life and freaking out that Scott said he isn't in love with me anymore, but he chose to make it worse by saying very insensitive things to me.  I promised Scott not to cause any drama and he said he didn't care if I went last night.

My goal of the whole night was to pretend things were like they use to be when he loved me and we were best friends.  However, Scott was clearly uncomfortable and unresponsive whenever I showed him affection.  He told me he didn't want me hanging on him all night.  I wasn't trying to smother him, only get him to touch me every now and then.  I guess he didn't want his friends thinking he gave in to any of my demands and that was why I was happy.  I went around telling our friends that I had decided I am not losing my husband.  Even if I have to suck his dick four times a day, he is not leaving me.  The guys seemed very impressed with that attitude.  Alex actually showed me some respect.  He seems to like me as long as I'm not bitching.  Dave is a different story.  Honestly, I can't wait for him to move to L.A.

The whole drive home, I was painfully aware that Scott wouldn't hold my hand and he never smiled at me when I spoke.  However, the minute Dave said something, his face lit up.  I even tried tickling him at one point, but that only made him mad.

At the end of the night, when we got home, Scott asked if I had fun.  I told him no.  I said I was freezing all night and he showed me no attention.  I said I guess my dad is right.  This isn't going to work.  Once again, I went into how much I am trying and how important our family is.  He didn't really respond.  Then I asked if he thought I looked sexy tonight and he said, "You looked fine.  I don't like short hair."  That really hurt my feelings!  I told him that was mean and he did agree it was. I cried before falling asleep.

This morning, he offered to take Karenna to her Mother's helper job.  I'm hoping it's because he is trying to do something nice for me.

Last night, Dave was talking about going to Party in the Park this evening.  Scott agreed like he is planning to go too.  I asked Devin about going to yoga with me, hoping Scott would realize maybe he can't go because I have plans.  I really hope he isn't going to try to go tonight.  I am trying to go out with him whenever possible, but it is painful to be around Dave and Scott is trying to push me away I think mainly because of Dave being there.

I want Scott and I to heal, but I am afraid I won't ever get through to him.  He has never treated me so coldly.  I hope it just takes more time, but last night was so discouraging.