I have now been married to this man I loved so much for 8 years. I don't know how this happened, but that man left me. He is still here physically, but he has changed. It's possible that he didn't know what his values were when he met me and simply latched onto mine. Now, he has found new values to follow and they are in direct conflict with mine. Things were okay while Julie was involved (the second time) because he seemed distracted by his problems with her. His focus wasn't really on me and we were getting along for the most part. Once she left and we finished grieving, he moved his focus onto a new girl: Danielle.
I didn't really like Danielle because she is not very intelligent and has this preppy, rich girl persona. Also, she is married. I told Scott I didn't want him to pursue her, but he did it anyway behind my back. I caught him several times texting her. He wouldn't stop, so I asked if he just wants us to both see other people without the input of the other? He said "yes." I asked wouldn't bother him if I went out with another guy he didn't know or didn't like? His response was that I have caused him to get a wall up about my interest in other guys and he doesn't care anymore.
At first, I thought this could be fun. Still, I was somewhat hurt. I was thinking that the minute I go on a date, he will change his mind. I went on a date with a 54 year old guy I met while I was working at Mason Pub. I didn't have sex with the guy, but I was willing to talk to him and let him buy me dinner. Scott didn't seem bothered, so I told him I don't want to do this. I don't want to have it where we don't have input on each other's choices. He didn't really seem to agree, but said "whatever you want." He still continued to pursue Danielle. When I got upset, he said they were just friends. Whenever I argued that the friendship started because he wanted to have sex with her, he would point out all the times I have hung out with friends I have sexual history with.
Here is a timeline of events since:
June 25th Tues: That morning while I was at the kids' piano lessons, he told me that since I was gone a lot the day before, he was taking the day to himself. I told him I wanted to hang out with him and he said he was just going to ride his motorcycle for a couple hours. When I returned, the motorcycle was home and the car was gone. We were planning a campout birthday party for the kids that night, but he didn't return for more than five hours. He left his phone at home. I was furious! When he got back, he said he was doing sales but had no documentation to prove that.
June 29th Sat: I went to Pride Parade/Festival with friends. Scott was given prior notice. He had been boating all day Friday and went out afterwards and he was out the night before. That morning, he told me about a breakdance competition that day he wanted to go to. I told him that I would be gone and he should ask his mom to babysit. He dropped the kids off with his mom that day and then called to tell me I needed to pick them up by 7 pm. I told him I rode downtown with my friends and wouldn't be able to get back by then. He was aggravated. Around 6:30 pm, he called me and asked if he could pick me up from Sawyer Point. I said okay because I was kind of bored. Once in the car, he informed me that he was dropping me off at home so he could go back out. I was not happy about that. I gave up going out after the festival with my friends to come home with him and now he was leaving again. He also began yelling at me and belittling me for spending $60 on concert tickets for us.
June 30th Sun: I told him that he should go stay with Alex for a week to remember what he has. He warned me that he could take all the money from me from our business. I told him I was going to the pool with my friend and the kids, but he should pack. I did drink heavily at the pool and was very angry when I got home. That evening, I had planned to meet up with Jay (the same one I went on the date with) to find out about some data entry work I could do for him since we were so low on money. When I got home from the pool, I grabbed a bag and threw lingerie into it. I was going to get revenge by sleeping with the guy (stupid and immature, I know). Supposedly, we still had an open relationship anyway and I thought this action might get his attention. I told Scott I was going somewhere to take a nap. I parked in the church parking lot behind my house. I threw up outside before falling asleep in the car. An hour later, Scott was calling my phone and it woke me up. I didn't answer. I was late to go to meet with Jay, so I started putting on the lingerie. Scott walked out of the woods with the kids and saw me half dressed in lingerie. He accused me of being a prostitute and walked off, leaving me with the kids. A little while later, he went out to a birthday party. While he was there, I texted him asking him to choose forgiveness and start over with a clean slate. He continued texting back that I was a whore and a prostitute until he stopped responding. He didn't come home until 4:30 am. He said he was sitting by the lake after the party.
July 1st Mon: He refused my attempts at affection. I left and spent the day with my friend, Anne.
July 2nd Tues: I wrote a letter reminding him of the things we learned at Retrouvaille. I asked him to choose forgiveness and commitment, at least for the kids. He responded favorably and we cuddled that morning. I left to take the kids for piano in a good mood. When I got home, he was preparing to leave to go to lunch with Danielle. When I voiced my objections, he said he couldn't cancel and would make it a quick lunch. Two hours later, he wasn't home. I drove to Fox and Hound (where he said they were having lunch), but he wasn't there. When I got home, I called him. He said they decided to go for a walk after lunch. I told him it was over. He went out that night with Alex.
July 3rd Wed: I wrote a letter telling him that if he wants to work it out with me, he needs to agree to a few things. I said he must apply to at least three jobs per day, put his friendship with Danielle and the open relationship on hold, keep location services turned on on his phone, and not go out more than twice a week without me. That evening, we argued for several hours, but he finally agreed. During that time, he told me he doesn't like my personality, everyone complains about me, and people all find my Facebook posts annoying. I was hurt and started crying. He got in bed and cuddled me, saying he isn't going anywhere.
July 4th Thurs: Scott wanted to go to the fireworks with Alex and Nikolay, but I asked him to clear my name with Alex first. He refused. I stayed home and he went with Jaden. He wanted to go out afterwards, but I reminded him if he goes out that night, he can't go out without me that weekend. He told Alex on the phone I only said he couldn't go out more than twice a week.
July 11-15: I took 6 kids to Blissfest by myself.
July 16 Tues: I told Scott I want to go to massage school and have Karenna take college classes next fall. He was against both and said if I do, he won't support me and I will be on my own. That night, he told me he doesn't care about the marriage and isn't going to support me. I told him he might as well take off his ring. He said he has had it off since he caught me trying to fuck Jay.
July 18 Thurs: Scott left to go boating the entire day without talking to me until almost 10 pm. I was stuck shuttling around the kids to various places.
July 23 Tues: I found out that morning I got a job at Passport Health. Scott didn't congratulate me until I asked, "Aren't you going to congratulate me?" Scott left that morning and was gone all day helping his brother move. I left around 9 to hang out with Devin to relax after a long day with the kids. I called him and he didn't answer right before. Karenna called at 11 pm and said Papa stopped home and then went out with Alex. He never called me or invited me. My feelings were hurt. I texted him, but he didn't respond.
July 25 Thurs: Scott went to the movies with Alex. When he got home, I asked why he doesn't love me anymore and he said, "I never said I don't." I asked why he still didn't want to wear our rings. He said he was tired and didn't want to talk about it. I told him I think I will file for divorce. He jumped out of bed and said, "Jesus Summer! I'll put my ring back on!"
July 26 Fri: I wrote him saying I don't take putting our rings back on so lightly. I wrote a lovely list of vow-like promises for us to say in front of the kids. It promised commitment, love, respect, care, etc. At the end, I wrote that the rings are an offering of peace in our home and forgiveness for past grievances. I asked him to read it and give me any input. He had none and said he thinks he already does all those things, but whatever. I laughed and said I think we both need a reminder. I went to my first day at work. While there, Scott called and said Child Services had showed up (a Dr. called and reported me because I challenged her). I was very upset when I got home. I cried that I couldn't find the medical records and he told me the house was peaceful until I showed up. I went and got a massage from my sister that night and felt better. We went out that night for my friend's birthday party.
July 27 Sat: I asked Scott if we could exchange rings in front of the kids before they left for their dad's house. He told me he was too tired. I found out later through Anna that Danielle was with Scott on Tuesday night.
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